sunday

After a really bad night I started the day by going to buy a couple of self-help relationship books. One is called "How to Get Your Lover Back" or something like that and is the perfect book for my current situation. The advice was all about loving C 100% and he will come back to me. I spent the morning devouring it, sad little thing that I am, looking for justification and hope in its cheap, thin pages. It did make sense though and I do want C back. I want to try and move to a new phase, I just wish I knew if he was open to it.

After spending the morning reading I went to brave the garage. C has moved everything out and with the exception of a few empty boxes, it's now only my stuff. I took a deep breath and starting clearing out.

Things were moving along well when a car approached and it was C. He was getting lunch and was I interested? We went off in search of ingredients, brought it back and I made sandwiches which we ate in the garden. Piggy did very well as C loves to give her snacks and treats. Needless to say she adores him and is very upset by the fact that he's not here. Aren't we both?

He left later to go and shred paperwork so his move continues. I went for a bike ride along the beach with the idea of blowing away the cobwebs or the nasty, bitter, miserable woman who has taken up residence in my heart and head for so long.

I came home feeling windblown and marginally better, the idea of an evening reading my other self-help book, "Getting the love You Want." firmly planted in my mind. Just as I had formed that plan, my phone rang and it was C. The movie we'd discussed seeing didn't sound very good but was I interested in getting dinner?

"Only if it's better than left-over spicy Thai rice (from Tuesday)," I replied.

We ended up going to one of our fairly regular haunts, drinking margaritas and having a pleasant experience (this is the term from the book about getting your lover back). I was very well behaved, no tears, recriminations, pleading or anything emotional. Just me. Looking as nice as I could, being fun and friendly.

After dinner C took me to his hotel so I could see his room. It was depressing. I think mainly because I miss him so much and I wish he would come back. He made a flippant remark about how beggars can't be chosers, to which I responded,

"Well, I'd rather you weren't there at all."

Then I chastised myself the whole way home for appearing too needy.

I have no idea if we are giving things a fresh start but I must take hope from the time spent together surely. If there was no hope then wouldn't C be gone? Please, please, please, let us find each other, let him come back to me. I miss him so much.