He is my best friend, my support, my confidante and I miss him so much. I realise now what we had together was so precious, so hard to find and yet we stopped caring and nurturing our relationship. We took things for granted and yet such a short time ago we were happy. All this has happened since Christmas and it's been so hard, so painful.
C said he is leaving on Monday to go to Florida. His things are all gone, out of the garage, he hasn't responded to my email about finding a way forward. I think he may have decided that for him, it's over.
I am trying to accept the reality of this but I'm obviously nowhere near doing that (hence the fact that I've been awake all night and I'm typing this at 5am). I know I need to love myself in order for anyone else to love me but right now I loathe myself, I hate myself for throwing away the most important person in my life, for expecting him to fulfill my shortcomings. What a fool I am and I only have myself to blame. The agony of it all. I feel so sick, so empty and so dead.
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