one day at a time

Every day is like a crazy rollercoaster ride at the moment.

It's a little bit like Project Runway... one day you're in, the next day you're out. This is definitely my year for being out. It's been one thing after another. My poor little Piggy (my twelve year old Australian cattle dog) was bitten by two different dogs off leash who, completely unprovoked ran up to her and sank their nasty big teeth into her back. Following that (and her poor fur still hasn't grown back, she now has a strip of stubble) she slipped a disk in her back and was confined to a cage for 6 weeks. Luckily she recovered after three weeks; it was truly horrible having to carry her outside to go to the toilet and listen to her cry in pain.

Of course today was yet another downhill scream but not in a good way. Quel surprise.

I saw Biggus Dickus off to a meeting in the mid-west and just as I thought he was about to say I should take the day off tomorrow as I've worked really hard lately, he said I should start cranking out new designs for spring 2009. It's amazing how unappreciative a person can be.

I came home early to work on my portfolio (being a designer it's always good to be prepared as you just never know when the company's going to go under) I thought I heard C's rather loud car. Going out to the garage, he was there and he'd moved most of his stuff out. He's definitely out of here despite my attempts at reconciliation and there's absolutely no reason (with the exception of Piggy) for me to stay here. My job isn't worth staying here alone, lonely and miserable.

So I cried again. I thought I had cried enough but there always seem to more tears.. The problem is I look bloody terrible when I cry. Red faced, blotchy and about ninety. I calmed down, did some more work on my portfolio and then quite spontaneously I booked a ticket to London.

Yep, fuck it. I've got two weeks to get my work organised and hopefully set up interviews. I'm only going for ten days (unless I decide to throw away my return ticket) and if all goes well, I'll need to come back and pack up my stuff and ship the Pig.

I then went out to dinner with C, as you do. Talk about being a glutton for punishment. I didn't tell him my plans because I don't know what's going on with him but I immediately felt better having taken some control of my life. I know I can't stay here in LA and start again alone, there are just too many memories of C and I. I think that if I can be strong, get to London and support myself, I will look at it as a fresh start, a clean break and I will start again. Of course there are memories of C there too but it's a enormous, vibrant city and surely I can find a little corner to perch.

The thin end of the wedge.