get off the fence!

It would appear I have been laid off, fired, relieved of my duties, let go. However you look at it, it was a bit of a surprise and I need to access my situation. Funnily enough I was having a facial this morning and I was describing this year to my facialist. At the end I said, "it's been a roller coaster ride and at this rate everything could change by lunchtime!"

How right I was!

I went to work and was summoned to a meeting where I was informed that while they would like to consider working with me on a freelance creative basis (I can continue building their portfolio) I've been let go from the 9-6 daily routine with guaranteed income, albeit much lower than I should be paid.

The irony is that I was never clear on my role so the fact that they can say it wasn't working is quite funny. I was hired as creative director. It was immediately apparent that the job was senior designer. It then evolved into senior designer/production manager/studio manager but definitely not creative director. Then they tell me it's not working out. Perhaps a little clarification would have been nice. In addition the hiring and firing of multiple staff didn't make an easy working environment.

So here I am in the exact situation I've talked about. If I could go anywhere and do anything, what would I do? After I came home today I called C and told him. He was shocked and surprised and sorry things had worked out like this.

I said I needed to ask him a question, that I didn't think I could handle the answer but I needed to ask it anyway. I said I understood a lot of things had been said and that I was sorry for the way things had worked out and I was sorry for my part of things. I expressed that we are really compatible and I hoped that we would be able to move on and find a stronger relationship. I said I need to know where I stand and while he should take some time to think things over, I'd appreciate it if he could give me his decision.

So here I am. I can look around this place I've called home for the past eight years and see the few things I would take with me. Two green Heywood Wakefield chairs, a collection of books, a few clothes, work stuff, computer, sewing machine, kitchen stuff (pans), some photos and memories.

A few things which should go and live in Key West... a TV, outdoor furniture, ceramics from Mexico, Winston's ceramic paw print, the lady in the garden and a few other things. The rest, Ikea bookshelves, a plywood platform bed, cheap disposable furniture, it can all go.

I can leave here with little to show for the time I've lived here. I have no debt, good credit and some savings. I can walk away with almost no strings attached.

It's a strange perspective but it's time for me to stop sitting on the fence and for once in my life, make a decision. Which is what I'll do... tomorrow!