Denial hurts

I was doing ok after coming back from the UK. I have stopped drinking and it's been 9 days and I have been feeling good and surprisingly, looking better than I've looked in a while.

Today I took a backward step and I'm feeling pretty bad.

I still don't know where C and I stand and I'm in limbo and I don't know what to do about it.

Today I went to collect the mail from our mailbox and it's apparent that C has forwarded his mail to Florida. So that was strike one.

Then I get an Evite from a friend of ours who invited C and I separately to a stupid Memorial Day barbeque. Every other couple listed were written as Anne & David, John & Jane. C and I were listed formally, first and last names. Separately. I have been really upset by this. Not only was it insensitive but this invitation went to 60 people. People who have no idea what is going on with C and I and quite frankly, it's none of their business.

C and I continue to talk on Skype and I know he's having a frustrating time in Florida. He has some family issues going on and he said that he hasn't had time to think, he seems really stressed and when I told him I was going to Guatemala to think for a couple of weeks, he said doing something like that was what he needed to do as well.

I think we both need to step back now and take some time to think. I've been so angst-ridden. I'm stressed about finding work, how I'm going to live, how I'm going to get over C (if that's what it's come to) and generally my denial is driving me crazy.

I'm kidding myself. There's nothing left here. At least there are only six days until I can run away to Guatemala. I'm in hell.