Enough

In the past week I've started to emerge from this period of darkness. I told C that I loved him, that I wanted to be in his life and I wanted to go to Key West. I asked him to tell me what he wanted and I said that I wasn't even sure if I was welcome in Key West.

There was a pause and he said very quietly, "You are."

From a man who is completely unable to express his feelings, this was quite big.

However, in the following conversations, he made it very clear that he is incredibly stressed in Key West, he can't get a construction schedule, he needs to come to LA and he would prefer if I could hold off going to Key West.

This is classic C. He does what he wants to and so I told him.

As I am in a new phase, the "I'm taking control of my life" phase, I want answers. I've asked him what he wants. I told him I wouldn't make him out to be a bad guy, I would just be really, really sad that we couldn't make our lives work together.

To be honest I'm sick of being in limbo, I'm tired of having an unresolved situation and I want to get on with my life. I'm open to moving forward but if that's not an option then I need to know.

In the meantime I'm organizing my websites, I'm sending out submission packages and I need to write an exciting new resume. I dislike resume writing intensely but it's a necessary evil.

On a positive note, Pig has had a haircut and it seems to have given her a whole new lease of life. From being at death's door a few months ago, she seems to be back to her normal, lively self. The patch of stubble on her back is now blended into her shorter fur... only problem is, she's now sporting a little back mullet!