Living on Lentils Part Two

I really want to try and turn the blog of doom into a refreshing, witty account of the challenges I faced over the past few years. It's not like having cancer by any means, I didn't starve, or end up living on the street. I didn't turn to drugs or alcohol so perhaps the Oprah appeal is missing but I know I can write well, I can entertain through my writing (although this blog begs to differ) but I am going to have a crack at it. Is it possible to turn a situation which has the potential to be a diatribe of misery into a witty, anecdotal escapade. To be honest I'm not sure. There may have to be some embellishment of the truth. Perhaps I'll have to add a drug overdose, slit wrists or just excessive drinking to make a dramatic read. Perhaps living on lentils isn't very exciting but it's what I did...

Living on Lentils

Last weekend I started writing an account of living frugally, living on lentils as I have done for much of the past two years. My friend is facing bankruptcy and I thought I would start writing a witty account with a touch of reality and a few recipes tossed in for good measure. So far so good. I wrote a couple of thousand words, not a bad start and then worried that it was becoming a tirade of misery. Having received a recent email from my biological mother (wishing me happy birthday) which was essentially a long tirade of misery, I'm wary of writing. My challenge is to approach this is in "Notes from the Boat" manner - how to make a difficult situation entertaining. How to see the funny side of things so it doesn't become the book (or blog) of doom. The challenge continues...

On another note, work for money is slowing down. I felt a little emotional yesterday as I know it's time to move on. I've freelanced there for almost two years and it's been a huge part of me putting my life back together. The time has come though for me to get back on the career track and find my ambition again. I've spent two years working for me, gaining new experience and working in a professional environment. It's shown me that it's possible to enjoy work without being personally involved, to respect my colleagues without the need to be best friends and without the need for drama. It's been an enlightening experience. The time has come because they don't see me in the role of anything other than a freelance designer. I've been doing work which doesn't challenge or excite me and doesn't utilize my skills. I'm ready for a new challenge and I think it's the next step in moving on with my life.

This week I applied to a large toy company in Rhode Island. There were two jobs which sounded interesting and so I went through the online application and then mentally moved to Providence, RI. I had already bought a house, started teaching at RISD part time, joined a sailing club, started rowing and signed up for a glass blowing course in a matter of minutes. A couple of days later I got the auto reply... thanks, but no thanks. I was disappointed to say the least. What it showed me though is that I'm ready to leave here and it's not based on an emotional reaction but rather strategic planning. I'm looking at international companies who can appreciate my background and take advantage of my ability to work in other countries. I'm also looking at this as a long term move, a company who will allow me to travel between the US and Europe. For all my talk about leaving LA, I need to think this through and go when it's the right situation for me. Can you imagine anything worse than moving to Paris or London without a job and having to stay on someone's sofa or worse?

And so much for blogging

It appears that my attempts at blogging went by the wayside during the rest of 2009 and almost all of 2010. In some respects things improved. I started teaching design in July 2009 and work for money picked up for a few months and then since January of this year I've been working almost full time. I met a man in August last year who has pursued me doggedly but despite attempting to remain open minded there is a lack of chemistry that, try as I might, I just can't get past. I don't find him attractive and he irritates me with his conservative thinking and general lack of humour. There is a lack of laughter between us and considering my wit is one of the best things about me (it's starting to come back) I am missing an audience. He lives in Copenhagen and I keep assuring him that I have no intention of moving there. I have always wanted to live in Paris at some point in my life, but Copenhagen has never been part of the fantasy.

My self esteem is good, I'm looking better than I've ever looked (in my humble and modest opinion) despite having recently celebrated my 41st birthday but there's a hole in my life and I'm frustrated as I'm continuing to live a half life in LA.

I have fallen out with friends over the past year. A woman who I thought was a friend chose to stay friends with C knowing how much he had hurt me. In the same situation I would have ended the acquaintance in order to honour the friendship. She chose not to discuss the end of our friendship instead choosing to delete me from Facebook and Skype. I hope it's worth it.

For the first time this week I have considered moving to the East coast. Pig has been ill and faced with the prospect of her dying I know I need to make choices for myself not based on an emotional reaction or doing something for someone else. I have sent out resumes to two companies so far this week with the idea being that I might go and look at Rhode Island. Crazy idea but there's a strategy for the first time. I'm contacting companies who can use my international background as they have European offices. I am ready for a new challenge and I'm tired of treading water here in LA. I'm doing work which isn't challenging me, I'm down to a handful of friends and I'm ready (as I have been for a while) for a change. The difference now is that I'm not running away. I'm making an informed choice based on not wanting to spend the rest of my life living here. I started to feel excited yesterday. Rhode Island is a sailing mecca where there are bays and islands. I could get back into sailing on my own terms, maybe row and kayak. House prices are reasonable and I could get Pig there by driving across country.

So I have it all sorted out in my mind. I just need a job to entice me to go.